I Could Never Hate You
by Rock Lees Lotus
Summary: In an attempt to protect Lee from his feelings towards him, Gai begins to shut Lee out. Little does he know the drastic affects that Lee must suffer physically and physiologically due to his cold actions. GaixLee


_**I Could Never Hate You**_

_A fanfiction by Rock-Lees-Lotus_

_Rated: T_

_Pairing: GaiLee_

_Summary: In an attempt to protect Lee from his feelings towards him, Gai begins to shut Lee out. Little does he know the drastic affects that Lee must suffer physically and physiologically due to his cold actions._

_--_

Gai had always known that he was strange. From his clothes to his hair, his mannerisms to his eyebrows, Gai usually got blank stares and confused looks where ever he went. However, there was another element to his character that was much more subtle, something that he had learned early on in life.

When Maito Gai was still a student at the Academy, there had been a girl and fellow student for whom many of the young man pined. Her name was Himawari and although she may have been lacking in the ninja skills department (whenever she would get stuck on a question, which was often, one of the boys would covertly slip her the answer, much to the grievance of their sensei) she was very pretty and kind to boot. Naturally, he followed the group and pursued her as well, telling her that he swore to protect her and that he would prove his love in multiple different fashions, but Gai's advances had always seemed half-hearted to him. As time passed, he grew much more interested in his budding rivalry with the prodigy Kakashi and Gai eventually stopped thinking about Himawari all together. It was the day that he realized this that he knew something was amiss. Why would he strive so hard to impress another boy? It was not until he was fifteen that he discovered his answer: Hatake Kakashi had been his first real crush. As the years past, he grew comfortable in his friendship with the silver haired copy ninja and long forgot about the young girl who dropped out of the Academy to marry a farmer.

He never found it immoral in any way, merely rare, yet that never stopped him from never telling a soul about his preferences. Gai had many crushes as time went by, but he never acted on them and they would usually pass by quickly without incident. Yet with his latest feelings, it was taking longer than usual. Much longer. However, this was the first time that he had ever felt guilty about one of his bouts of unrequited love. Heck, he didn't just feel guilty, he felt horrible. He would lie awake at night, starring up at the ceiling, just asking himself why. Why did he have to be in love with Lee? Why did his body yearn for the touch of his student's skin? Or, more importantly, why did Lee have to be so young? No matter how hard he tried, Gai could not abandon his affections for the boy thirteen years his junior. He told himself time and time again that Lee loved Sakura-chan, that Lee was heterosexual, that Lee loved him like a son loved his father, that what he felt was so horribly wrong, and that he could not do this to his beloved pupil, but all to no avail. He could not shun the desire that shook him to his very core any longer. So he began to shun Lee instead.

Gai reasoned that the only way he could protect Lee was to separate himself from him. It started off slow, cutting embraces off short as soon as he felt his emotions begin to flare and keeping physical contact down to a minimum. Eventually, it reached the point where all intimate situations were avoided and the only physical contact they made was during their now wordless sparing matches. If Lee ever leaned on Gai or got too close, he would find a way to move away and escape. Gai was cutting Lee out and, in the process, cutting them both into tiny pieces.

That morning was the same as the others of recent weeks, Gai and Lee sparred in silence, the only sound coming from the contact of their punches and kicks, not a single jeering comment or grunt of pain. Yet something suddenly broke the silence. It was soft, faint, and pleading, but filled with pain.

"Sensei…" Gai heard Lee mutter.

"Please focus, Lee," Gai responded, throwing another kick and hating his own cold tone. But as Lee made no move to block or even dodge the kick, he was sent crashing against a tree. After a moment of shock, he ran after his student, about to ask if Lee was all right when he saw that the boy had begun to cry.

"Gai-sensei, why do you hate me?" Lee coughed. The words struck Gai like and arrow through the chest. "What did I do wrong? Please, sensei! Can't you please forgive me?!" He wanted so desperately to hold the young man before him, but he told himself that if he did, everything would be rendered useless. "Please, Gai-sensei… you're killing me…"

Realization suddenly dawned on the currently silent man. Over the past few weeks, Lee had thinned considerably. He had dark circles under his eyes, his cheeks were sunken, he had contracted a terrible cough, and when he would become damp with sweat and the fabric of his clothing would stick to his body, it could be seen that his ribs protruded profusely. How could he have missed the fact that Lee shook constantly? How could he not have realized that every smile Lee had given as of late was false? How could he not have seen the person he loved most in the world waste away before him?

Gai fell to his knees, wrapping him arms tightly around his ill student, tears streaming from both their eyes. "Lee, I'm so sorry! I can't believe it… Oh god, what have I done to you?!" In his attempt to protect him, Gai had done more damage than was fathomable. "I could never hate you…"

"Y-… You don't hate me…?" Lee nearly whimpered, wrapping his arms around his teacher, putting his weight against him.

"No, I could never hate you! Never…"

"Then why…?"

"I-… I was trying to protect you… from myself…"

"What?" Lee raised a tear-streaked face to his sensei. The feel of his teacher's arms around his once more was so comforting that he wanted Gai to never let go again.

"I-I don't… know how to say it… Lee… will you forgive me if I show you?" Lee nodded and Gai raised a palm to cup his cheek. "Your beautiful face… it's grown so thin…" So gently it was barely even there, Gai pressed his lips against Lee's. "I'm so sorry… I shouldn't feel this way… I-" Gai was cut off by Lee's lips much more forcibly pushed against his own.

"I know, sensei," Lee whispered, breaking off the kiss. "I shouldn't feel this way either… but, gods, I love you so much…"

"L-Lee?"

"Please, stop shoving me out…"

"No, Lee, I'm so sorry… I love you… I'll never do that to you again… I just… I was so afraid to hurt you… that I did without realizing it…" Gai continued to kiss Lee tenderly on the lips, jawbone, and neck. It was something that he had longed to do for years to this now eighteen-year-old boy. Suddenly, Gai felt an intense pang of guilt. He pulled away, muttering, "I shouldn't be doing this…"

"No, " Lee said, reaching out to grab his teacher's vest, his voice pleading. "Gai-sensei…"

"Lee, I love you so much… but you're my student. I-We can't do this."

"Why not?" Lee asked, his eyes bleary and begging.

"Lee… W-What would people say? We're teacher and student, we're men, and I'm thirteen years older than you…"

"Gai-sensei…" Lee brought this thinned frame closer to his teacher. "You're the one who taught me not to care what others thought and to follow my heart… What happened to that…?" Gai fell silent, struck dumb by Lee's words. Lee wrapped his arms around Gai's waist and placed his head on his teacher's chest. "Sensei… just, don't listen to your head for a minute… What is it that you want?" Whether subconsciously or not, Lee's first attempt at seduction was causing Gai's heart to pound.

After a few second of silence with his eyes shut tight, Gai titled Lee's chin up, looking deep into the younger man's round, dark eyes. "I want…" Gai choked. "… you…"

With a small smile, Lee snaked his hands to the back of Gai's head, running his fingers through his raven black hair. Slowly, Gai brought his slightly parted lips down to Lee's, whose tongue met his with a warm reception, kissing him deeply. Lee moaned with pleasure as fresh tears fell from his long lashes and Gai's hands found his waistline inside his vest. As he felt Lee's ribs so definitely with his fingers, Gai broke the kiss and brought Lee into a tight embrace.

"Lee… how much weight have you lost?" Gai asked tenderly, his eyes watering once more.

Lee twitched. "… T-Twenty pounds… in a few weeks…"

"Oh, Lee… Y-You can't do that to yourself…"

"I know… I-It's just… I got so depressed…"

"I'm so sorry… I love you… I'll never let this happen to you ever again…"

"N-No, Gai-sensei-" Lee was cut off by Gai kissing him once more. Gai knew that over the next while, a lot of healing would take place, physical and emotional. But Gai was confident. He knew that Lee loved him back in the same way that he loved him and that he would for a long time. Amazingly, Lee was now _his_ Lee. This beautiful young man was his to kiss, his to hold, and his to love. Gai wanted to grab on and never ever let go.


End file.
